dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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