The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
