every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
