I think my fart just growled at me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
