best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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