My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
