Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
