The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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