Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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