Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
