allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
