I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to make a zoo with you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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