i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
