It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
