It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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