I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
