It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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