Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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