I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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