u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
