Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
