I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
