And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He passed out mid-signature
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
