you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
