I think I am morally bankrupt
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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