just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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