This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
