You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
