how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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