I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I want is dick and wine.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
