i permit you to call me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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