god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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