Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
