i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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