having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
