I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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