You made me cry and you don't even care
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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