My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
