Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
