absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
