after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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