I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
