She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
