JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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