omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
