Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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