Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
