he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
