his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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