We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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