What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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