If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
