sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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