What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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