eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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