Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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