Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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