We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
