Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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