Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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