She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
