I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
