im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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