Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
