Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I FOUND THE LEGS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
