no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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