I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
