I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
