I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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