Just fell off a train. Bad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
