He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can you bring me the toilet please
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
