I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
