Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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